What the heck did I get myself into?!

After 3 days of vomiting every single thing I ate (which wasn't much), I'm finally back to normal. Well, third trimester pregnancy normal. I experienced really horrible contractions every time I threw up and I have to admit that I was thinking, "WHAT THE HECK DID I GET MYSELF INTO?!". I wasn't questioning our home birth or even a natural birth but just labor/delivery in general haha!

I called one of my amazing midwives on Sunday (bet you can't reach an OB on a Sunday morning) after experiencing several awful contractions and she listened to my symptoms, reassured me that everything was normal at that point, gave me suggestions on things that I might be able to keep down (BRAT - bananas, rice, applesauce, toast), directed me to stay as hydrated as possible and was just so incredibly nurturing. She also reassured me that my contractions from vomiting probably went from 0-10 on the pain scale but typical labor contractions will build and my body will produce endorphins to help combat the pain. Let's hope my body has some pretty strong endorphins ready to go for labor!

As painful as those contractions were (and I promise I'm not a wuss), I'm actually glad that I experienced them because it not only gave me confidence (I can do anything for a day, maybe 2) but it also gave me perspective on how I might handle the real deal. Mr. Baby Fever was also so completely supportive - rubbing my back, leaving me alone when I asked him to and just getting me whatever I needed (food, drink, etc).

I had an appointment with my midwives yesterday and everything is looking great. Our baby is head down (I think he's been that way for at least a few weeks now) and I'm as healthy as can be (weight, blood pressure, etc). They did the Group B Strep test, which I didn't even feel...let's hope it comes back negative! I look forward to these appointments and so does Mr. Baby Fever. We've gotten to know our midwives on a personal level and have developed trust in them. I must say that I'm excited for our home birth, knowing exactly who will be in the room with us and that they are all people that I WANT in the room with us, which should make for a less stressful labor.

35 weeks & 5 days pregnant

Born Safely. Born Simply. Born At Home.

I just purchased this adorable shirt from Etsy seller Earth Bound Baby. I thought it would be perfect to put on my little guy right after the birth!


32 weeks & 2 days pregnant

Home Birth Liar

Mr. Baby Fever and I aren't telling very many people about our home birth for a lot of reason - mainly because most people aren't educated when it comes to home births and we don't want to spend a lot of effort educating at this point. I also don't want to feel like I have to defend my choice. There will be time for all of that after our baby is here. Right now all of my energy needs to selfishly be focused on myself and this baby - staying healthy, preparing for labor, etc.

A few days ago, I was shopping with a friend who recently had an induced and medicated hospital birth and she was asking me questions about the hospital that I would deliver at. I felt like a total liar for not being more upfront about my planned home birth but I just know that she wouldn't understand without me taking the effort to make her understand. Maybe I'm not giving her enough credit but when she found out I was planning for a natural birth she was very discouraging. I can only imagine what she would say about a home birth. I just feel like she doesn't have to explain her hospital birth choice to me so why should I have to explain my home birth choice to her!

Well, 44ish more days to go and I'll come clean ;-)

33 weeks & 5 days pregnant

Blood Pressure

My blood pressure was still slightly elevated yesterday morning when I had it checked at the fire department (they were super nice there btw), but I was also rushing around and sleep deprived. I should mention that my blood pressure level is definitely not something that an OB would be concerned with but my midwives are overly cautious, which is one of the main reasons why I picked them. They wouldn’t chance having a home birth at the cost of my health or my baby’s health. I spent most of yesterday just completely chilling out and resting (well, resting as best as I can rest - I always need to be doing something) and my friend's husband (who is a police officer/medic) took my blood pressure last night and it was back to normal. He left one of his electronic blood pressure cuffs with me (yay for not having to go to the fire department daily) and my blood pressure was still normal this morning! Looks like I’m getting the hang of this chilling out thing. I really think that my elevated blood pressure was due to stress – I need to be completely stress free for the next 10ish weeks. The pain in my side has decreased but I can still feel my muscles stretching in that area so maybe the baby is having a growth spurt? I get my blood results on Tuesday, let’s hope that everything comes back normal.

30 weeks & 1 day pregnant

Good News & Not So Good News

Yesterday I had an appointment with my midwives and I have good news and some not so good news. Let's start with the good news, you know the glucose test that I had been stressing about for the past 7 months? Well, I passed with flying colors! My blood sugar level was at 90 and it needed to be under 130. I have been trying to stay active and eat well because I'm at risk for diabetes with my family history so it obviously paid off.

As for the not so good news, my blood pressure was slightly elevated and in the home birth world this is a red flag. At previous visits my blood pressure has been consistently perfect so this was not something I expected. I'm definitely the type of person who internalizes stress and boy have I been feeling the stress this week, this might be why my blood pressure is elevated. I typically handle stress much better (I'm a family counselor - I deal with stressful situations on a daily basis) but I think I just have too much on my plate right now and I need to learn how to just shrug off the things that I can't control instead of dwelling on them. Ready for more bad news? Lately I've been experiencing a dull aching pain in my right side. It could just be stretching or round ligament pain but my midwives wanted to play it safe and ordered blood work to test my kidney/liver levels.

I have a follow up appointment with them next Thursday and in the meantime I need to stop by our local fire department everyday to get my blood pressure taken (who knew that they offered that service) and I also need to stay away from processed foods (which I've been trying to do anyway). They encouraged me to swim for exercise now that the temps are rising and walking outside is no longer feasible. They also want me to take it easy and ordered Mr. Baby Fever to take over all of our household chores, which I will happily do. So basically I need to majorly de-stress, get more sleep, continue to eat well and get in some swimming. Wish me luck, I feel like crying at the thought of not having my home birth and I of course above all want my baby to be healthy.

30 weeks pregnant

I've always wanted an indoor pool...

I just ordered my birthing pool and I just had to laugh a little at the fact that this blow up pool will be in the middle of my living room. It seems absurd but when I compare this setting with a delivery room setting, the fishy pool wins! I’m not sure if I’ll actually be delivering in it but I definitely want to labor in it.



28 weeks & 5 days pregnant

Cesareans and Episiotomies and Epidurals, Oh My!

This is what we learned about in our 5th Bradley Class this week. I hope I'll never have to experience any of these wonderful things but at least I'll be able to make an informed decision if they become necessary. Mr. Baby Fever skipped out on the last 30 minutes of class because he had to take care of a work situation so he missed the cesarean video but lucky for him, the instructor let us take it home so he can watch it later.

I have a "friend" who actually asked me if I was planning on scheduling a cesarean when I told her that I was pregnant. I completely understand that there are situations when a cesarean is necessary but to actually plan on one without there being a medical need is crazy and irresponsible in my opinion. I informed my friend that I was planning on a vaginal birth and she responded, "yeah I would never do that". Wow I really hope she does her research before she decides to have children!

From Mothering Magazine:
1. A woman is five to seven times more likely to die from a cesarean delivery than from a vaginal delivery.
2. A woman having a repeat C-section is twice as likely to die during delivery.
3. Twice as many women require rehospitalization after a C-section than after a vaginal birth.
4. Having a C-section means higher rates of infertility, ectopic pregnancy, and potentially severe placental problems in future pregnancies.
5. Babies born after an elective cesarean delivery (i.e., when labor has not yet begun) are four times more likely to develop persistent pulmonary hypertension, a potentially life-threatening condition.
6. Between one and two babies of every hundred delivered by C-section will be accidentally cut during the surgery.
7. The US is tied for second-to-last place with Hungary, Malta, Poland, and Slovakia for neonatal mortality in the industrialized world.4
8. Babies born via C-section are at high risk for not receiving the benefits of breastfeeding.
9. The risk of death to a newborn delivered by C-section to a low-risk woman is 1.77 deaths to 1,000 live births. The risk of death to a newborn delivered vaginally to a low-risk woman is only 0.62 per 1,000 live births.

The extremely high rate of C-sections in the U.S. (32.3%) is outrageous and unnecessary. When we were exploring our options and went to a few hospital tours, we were shocked to find out that these hospitals C-section rates were actually above the already high national average?! Maybe it's because they push pitocin on their patients (yes, a nurse actually told me that I would at the very least be given pitocin and therefore be confined to my bed during labor), which often leads to an epidural. An epidural will then slow down labor and the more likely it will end in a forceps, vacuum, or cesarean delivery. Why is this standard care in the U.S.?

On a more positive note, I had a check up with my midwives on Monday and everything is looking great! They received my chart from my previous OB and said that I have a "text book pregnancy" - sounds good to me! The baby's heart beat was the strongest we've ever heard it, such an amazing sound! I'm continuing to watch my diet and exercise on a daily basis so I'm right where I need to be as far as weight gain and belly growth goes. The dreaded gestational diabetes test has been scheduled for my next appointment at the end of the month. They offered me a choice between the nasty orange sugar drink or jelly beans for the test - I of course picked jelly beans! I might not mind this test so much after all. The "D-word" has been at the forefront of my mind this entire pregnancy, I don't want to put myself or my baby at risk for diabetes later in life and I definitely don't want anything to jeopardize my chance for a home birth. I'm ready to get this test over with!

26 Weeks & 4 Days Pregnant

Epidurals

Let's start with the positive stuff first, my good friend just had her baby 3 days ago and I got to meet him today! I could have seriously held him all day, he's so tiny and precious! Holding him got me really excited for my own little guy's arrival. This is my friend's 2nd and last baby so she gave me all of her maternity clothes! I think she's just ready to be done with elastic waistbands. I'm super excited for new clothes...well, new for me!!

My friend's mom was telling my friend to advise me on how to have an easy birth - my friend apparently felt nothing and dialated super fast with petocin and an epidural. My friend told her mother that I was planning on a natural birth and of course I got the strange look and she said, "oh sweetie, you'll see how it is once you get to the hospital for delivery". She then proceeded to tell me about how her daughter in law hoped for a natural birth and asked for an epidural right when she arrived at the hospital. Gee thanks for the pep talk! I politely informed her that my mother had a natural birth after 2 days of labor and that if she can do it, so can I. Her response was, "oh really?", like she didn't believe me haha!

Why do people try and discourage me from attempting a natural birth?! This drives me crazy!! It's not like I'm sitting there talking crap about petocin and epidurals. I'm not sitting there preaching about the many risks of an epidural, so why do they feel the need to preach the "benefits"?! This is MY decision, NOT yours. Now I know why I'm not telling anyone outside of my immediate family that we're planning a home birth...

26 Weeks & 1 Day Pregnant

Mom Knows Best

I recently shared the article Home Birth: "Brave" Has Nothing To Do With It with my mom and here was her response:

"She is brave - not because she is doing a home birth, but because she has the mental or moral strength to do what she knows is best for herself and her baby despite opposition.

My philosophy: It is important for every parent to educate themselves and make the best decisions for their children despite what anyone else says. You will always hear opinions and advice, but it is up to you as the parent to decide what is best for you and your family. Don't get upset or let it phase you when someone makes comments or asks questions that seem ignorant to you -- it is just that they don't know what you know. Just listen and respond patiently if you're in the mood to educate them, or pretend to listen and just nod, then do what you think is the right thing.

While I am on a roll dishing out advice: Know that there is no manual or baby book that can tell you what to expect when raising your children. Most of those authors don't have a clue and they definitely don't know your child better than you. Just when you think you have it all figured out, life will throw you a curve ball and you just may have to roll with the punches. The most important thing of all is that your baby knows you love him every day of his life -- even when he makes you feel like pulling out your hair (and he will).

So that is my advice for today -- listen to it if you choose, or
just nod and pretend to listen to it.

Love,
Mom

I'm definitely listening Mom, I needed that! I see this blog as more of a personal journal for me and I don't share it with friends/family members, so when I received that email yesterday from my mom after writing my last post I was amazed at how well my mom knows me and knows what I need - even at age 27! I spent a few hours yesterday talking to a few amazing women who have experienced home births and I feel completely empowered. I have officially decided, as long as my pregnancy continues to be normal and healthy, to proceed with a home birth.

For the people in my life who may not agree with my decision or start to tell me the "what if's", I will encourage them to do some research or ask questions. We've been researching this option for several years and it is definitely not something I would walk into blindly. I know the "what if's" of both home and hospital births, I just happen to feel more comfortable with the "what if's" of a home birth. I have full confidence in my midwife team and love that they are extremely conservative in their practice, meaning that they are very selective regarding who can proceed with a home birth and very cautious during home births.

Is it normal to look forward to labor & delivery?

21 weeks & 5 days pregnant

Home Birth Decision

Round 2 of our anatomy ultrasound was on Monday and our little guy gave the tech the shots we needed of his side profile/heart. Everything is looking perfect and he is already over a pound big according to their measurements. His heart rate was perfect at 153ish and this time I could feel his kicks while watching them on the screen! This is what we had been waiting for in order to make a decision regarding a home birth. I felt like the anatomy ultrasound is a big milestone and if they found something wrong I didn't want to switch to a home birth midwife just to have to switch back to a doctor later. I realize that the switch can still happen but I feel good about my health and my baby's health right now.

So, what in the heck is holding me back from making this decision? I'm definitely not questioning my body's ability to give birth naturally or my confidence in the home birth midwife team. Mr. Baby Fever and I have been researching home births for years now and we're confident that a low-risk woman can have a safe (if not safer) birth at home. This may sound silly but I think I'm just afraid of being judged. I don't want people to think that I'm a bad mother for making this decision when I know in my head that this isn't the case. When I mention that I'm hoping for a natural birth many friends have told me that "natural birth is crazy" or "that's brave" or "just wait until you are in the delivery room, you'll change your mind". Wow thanks for the confidence ladies! What will they tell me when I mention my hope for a home birth? No, their opinion shouldn't matter but who likes to be judged?!

I have to say that my parents have been incredibly supportive. At first my mom questioned me but after doing her own research she came to the same conclusions - that home births are just as safe as hospital births for low-risk women. Surprisingly, my dad has become an amazing advocate for home births. Now that he's retired, he's enjoying his work as a full time "treasure hunter". He buys used/old furniture, refurbishes and re-sells. While he was out "hunting", he came across a yard sale in support of midwives and was able to talk to them about the sky high c-section rates in the U.S. and how proud he is that his daughter is considering a home birth with a midwife. They were so happy to see a dad so well informed and in support of home births. It makes me tear up just thinking of how supportive he is and has always been. We haven't told him yet, but our son's middle name will be his name.

I feel like since becoming pregnant, everyone has an opinion on everything and if you don't follow their advice then you aren't doing it "right". Remind me not to be this type of mom once this baby is out! I feel like as a mom, as long as you aren't putting your child in danger, that you should have the right and freedom to make decisions for your child without negative criticism. I mean seriously, is my child really going to suffer if I don't buy the exact brand of stroller/toy/crib/blanket/name/etc. you recommend?! Most of the time the advice I receive contradicts the unwanted advice I've already been given. An experienced mother's advice can be invaluable but there are a few close mom friends that I would go to for that advice because I fully trust their judgment and we most likely share similar child-rearing values. So the bottom line is that I just need to get over my fear of being judged and do what I feel is best for me and my child.

21 weeks & 4 days pregnant

What if I don't want an epidural?

This is what I asked the nurse on the hospital tour after she told the group that once we received our epidural we would be hooked up to monitors and in the bed until delivery. From everything I've read and every birth story I've heard, laboring on your back is not exactly comfortable when you aren't numb from an epidural. The nurse and entire hospital tour group looked at me like I had 2 heads at the mention of doing this delivery thing sans epidural. The nurse quickly dismissed my question and said that 90% of patients at that hospital received an epidural and I would at the very least be given pitocin and wouldn't be able to walk around. My hopes for a natural childbirth quickly vanished the more time I stood in that hospital.

When I informed my doctor about my desire for a natural birth, she was very discouraging and almost dismissive. I could almost see her thinking, "Oh geeze, why can't all of my patients just be compliant." She informed me that whoever was on call when I went into labor would be my doctor, and stated that she liked to schedule (a.k.a. induce) births around her on call time for this reason. Ok, first of all if I don't need to be induced I don't want to be! Second, if I do need to be medically induced she will induce me around my baby's schedule not hers! Third, there are many other natural ways to induce labor without using pitocin. Pitocin severely increases pain and often results in an unnecessary/unwanted epidural. I'm not against this if it truly is medically necessary but if everything is normal, I think I should be allowed to labor at my own pace and to be able to walk/jump/squat/dance off the pain. After leaving her office, I understood why the hospital she delivers at has a 90% epidural rate and a sky high c-section rate. I should mention that I actually really like and respect this doctor, she has great bedside manner and is very knowledgeable in the world of infertility (the main reason I picked her). If one of my friends was planning on an epidural, I would highly recommend this doctor in a heartbeat. She is one of the top doctor's in my area but she is trained to be, well, a medical doctor - someone with the belief that pregnancy is a sickness and should be treated as such.

Call me crazy, but yes I hope to have a natural birth. I've always felt empowered by my mom's natural birth story when she delivered me and always hoped that I could also tell my children a similar story. The fact that she was in labor for 2 straight days scares the crap out of me but it also makes me realize that my body is designed for this and if she can do it, so can I...or I can at least attempt it. It's not like I'm going to show up completely unarmed for my labor/delivery, we've signed up for a Bradley Methods class and I'm continuing to workout throughout this pregnancy. I also recently started prenatal yoga to help me better prepare. I'm definitely not knocking women who decide that an epidural is the way to go, I just feel like women should have the right to make that choice and to not be shamed or discouraged for whatever that choice is. I totally reserve the right to change my mind as labor progresses but again, as long me and my baby are healthy, I feel like it is is my right to have full say over my body.

For these reasons, Mr. Baby Fever and I have started interviewing home birth midwives. Yes, I said HOME BIRTH! Don't worry, we've done our research and we aren't blindly walking into this. I feel like most people don't understand that midwives are licensed and trained professionals who can handle emergencies. We met with the most compassionate and knowledgeable midwife team yesterday and I have the utmost confidence in their abilities to handle an emergency situation. Their hospital transfer rate is at 5% and the most common reason is due to exhaustion for first time moms (a great reason for me to continue working out during my pregnancy). Their c-section rate is around 2% and their episiotomy rate is almost non-existent. They take their time during the delivery and make sure that the body stretches with the use of olive oil/warm towels so nothing rips or tears. They are extremely conservative, meaning that they very cautiously screen their patients to determine if you are a good candidate for a home birth (no gestational diabetes, no twins, no high blood pressure, etc.) and constantly monitor and assess for emergencies. They have attended over 1,000 births together and Mary, the older of the two, has attended over 2,000 births. They willingly gave me the phone numbers for several of their recent patients without me having to ask and I'll be calling these home birth veterans this week to learn more. I'm excited about this possibility and want to make sure that I'm 110% comfortable in my decision before I make it.

My friend, who has had 2 home births, warned me to be prepared for negative criticism and ignorance regarding home births. So, I'm prepared and realize that I'm opening myself up to this by blogging about it...

17 weeks & 3 days pregnant